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Work. Life. Balance.: Power, Platforms and the M-word

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Power, Platforms and the M-word

"Don't get mad, get elected."
I spent three days last week with a couple of thousand bloggers, predominantly women, attending the BlogHer 2010 Conference in New York.  From the seemingly trite to the life altering, women who blog are reinventing media generation and consumption.  I spent a half day with The Whitehouse Project, a non-partisan initiative to motivate more American women to enter politics.  The process of women joining traditional power structures is fascinating particularly when you view public policy as a contributing mechanism for social discussion and change.  Council Member for Pepper Pike, Ohio, Jill Miller Zimon put it perfectly, "Don't get mad, get elected."

The following two days of general sessions were reminder after reminder of the power of one voice to raise the collective consciousness.  "This is why we blog" was the undercurrent of every class and even every party.  Some use their platform to dispense fashion and home decor advice.  Some use it to opine on causes and agendas.  Some blog to save lives, to save minds.  The central message - every voice is powerful in its own way.  Each of us in our own sphere of influence, whether it is our families, our church groups, our work places, our neighborhoods or the entire planet, have the opportunity to talk about what is important to us.  It might be through blogging, through hands on action or through our Facebook page.  We are all sharing stories.

The Work Life Policy panel was an obvious highlight.  The discussion was robust and real, the women and men in the room engaged passionately, offering substance and insight into the challenges and issues.  Personal tragedy and frustrations were freely shared.  Panelist Morra Aarons Mele wrote a thorough and thoughtful summary here at the Families and Work Institute blog.  As Judy Martin from WorkLife Nation asked in her post yesterday, is this policy conversation a revolution, evolution or movement?  I'm placing my bets on it being all three.

At one point in the work life policy discussion a comment was made that both resonated and jarred.
"When we frame this as a mother's issue, we give away our political capital."
Many of you are not mothers.  You read, you comment and you share on this topic because you grasp that whilst mothers have driven the work life movement, it affects all of us.  For example: Judy Martin's National Public Radio (NPR) interview yesterday on companies dealing with end of life care in the work place and Cali Yost's piece last week on dramatically reframing the conversation to add elder care.  I am the first to advocate for minds to open to the broader stakeholders in work life reform; namely all of us.  If rigid workplace structures do not affect you directly, they affect your spouse, your children.  Single?  Guess what, nearly all of us have parents.  Or dreams, or simply things to do.

But giving away our political capital?  Is that as good as it gets?  We can't talk about the impact on mothers because as soon as we call that out, we lose, we are written off, put in the corner?  I am not frustrated with the speaker - she's right and the statement tragically true.  I joined the reluctant nods of agreement around the room.  But enough.  At the risk of a really bad pop-culture reference attempt, "no one puts Baby in the corner!"  Aren't you done?  Aren't you sick and tired of the eye rolls and the glazed looks of some and the self apology of countless women around you, "well, I am just a mother"?  If not for you, then your daughters, your nieces, your sisters, your co-workers, your friends?

We wax lyrical, mythologizing, loudly celebrating and honoring the pivotal societal role of mothers.  But when it comes down to it, when you frame an issue as a mother's issue, it loses traction, it is more easily relegated.

Panelist The Mama Bee, brought her Baby Bee to BlogHer, as did many others.  What a powerful statement to have this adorable little man amongst us.  His presence neither hindered nor distracted a single person from the serious work at hand.  Rather he subtly focused our attention on the critical reasons why work life policy at the personal, organizational and legislative levels matter, and reminded those of us fortunate to receive a Baby Bee snuggle, of the power of collaboration and mothers uniting together, both with each other and with fathers and non-parents.

Mama Bee and I could not be more different in our professional ambitions and mothering paths.  However, when you take the time, it's much easier to find the spaces where we are the same, than where we are different.  Whether you or the mothers around you work full time, stay home full time or any number of hybrids in between, we have to embrace all mothers, trust in each mother's choice for her family and collectively agitate for those without such a choiceLDS readers might be interested in this Newsweek/Washington Post piece from Neylan McBaine on the future of Mormon motherhood that makes a similar point through my specific cultural and religious lens.

Mothers are powerful.  It's time they embraced it.  And I'm not just talking about running for public office or becoming a CEO.  Although that'd be great too.

Photo Credit: Rita Arens http://www.flickr.com/photos/14707201@N00/4864269940/in/pool-1449099@N24/#/

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9 Comments:

Anonymous cv harquail said...

Chrysula, this post should/will be nominated for a BlogHer Voices of the Year. ... not much else to say- still catching my breath

August 11, 2010 11:27 AM  
Anonymous ADPS said...

YES. I couldn't agree more. We are not giving away political capital. We are a movement that includes all! Speaking our truth to power does not undermine our ability to effectively organize.

August 11, 2010 2:36 PM  
Anonymous Amy@UWM said...

What's odd is that while it does feel like mothers don't have the political capital to fight this fight on our own, as a political constituent and consumer group, we are very powerful. Politicians go out of their way to court the "women's" vote and companies spend millions marketing their products to moms.

So bummed to have missed this BlogHer panel. We do have to use our blogs for platforms for change. But we also have to use our choice -- our choice of where we work, our choice of what we buy and our choice of who we vote for -- to fully extend our power and send our message to policymakers and corporations alike that we want balance.

That said, whether our political capital is there or not, I do think its important that we frame this as a balance issue for everyone. If moms are to have any hope of balance, their partners have to have flexibility too.

August 11, 2010 9:33 PM  
Anonymous Chrysula WORK. LIFE. BALANCE. said...

CV, your comment is overwhelming. Thank you for that and for many of the conversations that stimulated these thoughts. I'll leave you to make the nomination :) !

August 12, 2010 9:19 AM  
Anonymous Chrysula WORK. LIFE. BALANCE. said...

I absolutely agree the work life issue has to be framed as for everyone. I am not for one minute suggesting that years of bring others into the conversation, especially fathers, should be thrown out. Indeed, I am constantly inviting non parents to see what's in it for them (so to speak). My reaction to the political capital comment was not necessarily tied to the work life conversation. Rather it's what the statement represents about deeper issues for how mothers are viewed by themselves and by the rest of the country.

Amy, mothers as a constituent and consumer group are indeed powerful, thank you for articulating that reminder. It's just that most mothers don't actually know that, or see that power applying to them.

August 12, 2010 9:23 AM  
Anonymous Chrysula WORK. LIFE. BALANCE. said...

Thank you ADPS. The sooner we realize it, the better we'll ALL be for it. Not a divisive approach, but action grounded in self knowledge and awareness that all mothers are critical to our society.

August 12, 2010 9:25 AM  
Anonymous Britt Groosman said...

Great post (and C. I love the pop culture reference, it is a very strong one!). Why is it that we have to hide our true self to be taken seriously? I love my children and I love my job (most days!). I also love to disappear in a book or a museum every once in a while, where I take on neither role consciously (of course I am always a mother). At work I like to be considered as a great employee who happens to be a mom. On some days that may make me a less reliable employee but on other days that makes me a better employee because of the life lessons mothering has taught me (like juggling, time efficiency and the art of compromise). At home, I like to be considered a great mum but also an independent person. Too often my kids see me as an extension of themselves and much as I love a snuggle, it is important for them to recognize their mum as a person who does more than just be their mum. They always come first, and there is no doubt in their mind about that but you know what, mum does other stuff as well.
If I had to choose between work and kids, I would always choose my children but I am happy I don’t have to choose for now and nobody should have to. Small choices I make on a daily basis. This morning my daughter desperately wanted me to stay home but I knew she was ok as she loves her sitter so I chose to say “darling, love you but mama has to go to work”. However, if my employer “demanded” my presence when one of my kids was sick, I would have to resign. It is simple as that. Some choices include compromises, others don’t. And C. you are right, it is about men as well – too often, they let the mothers take the burden but as you say even single men have parents or other loved ones who get sick and should have the right to take time out for this. As an economist, I use the jargon of trade-offs and opportunity costs on a daily basis. And there is a trade-off to being a mum but when it comes down to it, mothering will always come top so let’s continue advocating for living in a society where we don’t have to choose but everybody can be “a mom and then some", “a caregiver and then some" and boy can the then some be productive. Employers take heed.

August 12, 2010 11:22 AM  
Anonymous April Perry said...

What a great experience! I want to hear more about BlogHer--maybe I'll get to go next summer, but I'm so glad to get reports from those who attended. Thanks!

August 16, 2010 1:36 PM  
Anonymous rosedeniz said...

I really loved this post - I kept finding parts that I wanted to highlight and share, and I did tweet about how you said women are reinventing media generation and consumption. On a personal level, though, what struck me was how you described finding the spaces where we are the same, and being 'any number of hybrids in between' to mothering and work. This deeply resonates with the work I've been doing lately, and how finding the commonalities among differences is a powerful ability that women naturally seem to do in conversation, in collaboration, in work and mothering. Thank you for this great post!

August 19, 2010 2:49 PM  

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