Rugby, Three Year Olds and Perspective Taking

Yesterday my three year old crushed my 17mth old in a huge tackle worthy of a Wallabies front row forward (that's the Australian Rugby Union team my friends).  Said baby began to scream hysterically.  It's understandable really.  You would too when squashed by someone twice your height and weight.

My usual response?  "Why did you do that?  Get off your brother NOW!!!" or something along similar lines.  Useful approach, huh?  Because of course every three year old can answer why he/she did something completely stupid.

Yesterday I tried a different angle.  I decided to see if I could shift his perspective to the baby's point of view.  I crouched down on the floor, holding and shushing the sobbing baby.  I gathered my little tackler beside me in a hug and asked,

"How do you think H is feeling right now?"

"He's so sad Mama."

"Why is he sad, babe?"

"Coz I squished him Mama."

"Do you think he's hurting?"

"I gave him an ouchie Mama.  I won't do it again.  I'm sorry H." 

Cue big slobbery hug and kiss (further overwhelming the baby, but that's beside the point) and full apology.

Is the rough-housing going to happen again?  You bet.  But the fact that for a few seconds my three year old could see, could really grasp his brother's perspective, that was huge.  And not just for him.

The work life implications?  We have to be willing to walk in our (you pick - boss, staff, co-worker, spouse, children)'s,  shoes and see what they see, so that then we can truly converse, negotiate, and work together for what we all need.  Or as Stephen Covey puts it, seek first to understand before seeking to be understood.  It's one of those rare universal truths.  My three year old just started learning it.  His Mama is still learning.  How about you?

Work Life Stories continuing later this week.  A nod to Ellen Galinsky's Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs for thoughts on how to include perspective taking in my parenting.

Photo credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kiwi/ / CC BY 2.0