Work Life Stories: Flex in High Finance? An Unusual On-Ramp Tale

The big bad world of Wall St high finance is not the most conducive to mothering and flexible work options.  Here's a unique story of just what is possible when you dare to ask.  After her MBA, Sariah Toronto spent several years with Citibank and then moved on to another major financial institution for 18 months, at which point her first child was born.   After six months of maternity leave, itself a rare benefit in the finance sector, a promised position hadn't materialized and the prospect of ad hoc project work was unexciting.

"The decision to go back for part-time work that was not clearly defined, or to care for my daughter full time, was excruciating.  I'd never imagined myself as a full time mother.  But ultimately I made the choice to stay home.  And I have absolutely no regrets about that.  It was a great decision for me, for my children, for our family.  I was home full time with my children for 6 yrs and then in late 2008, I began a part-time schedule with my previous employer - just 14 hrs a week divided between the office and home.

"Then my husband took the entrepreneurial plunge as a toy-maker, at which point I went back to full time work.  Now I spend three days in the office and work from home the other two days.  Doug runs his start-up and does the bulk of childcare.  On the days I am working from home, we allocate household and child responsibilities based on who has time-sensitive deadlines.  I can be flexible to a certain degree and pick back up during naps and after hours if Doug has a meeting or deadline.  And he of course does the same for me.  The older children are in school all day and the youngest has some daycare also.  Our primary objective is to always be there for our kids, so we try our best to work it out.

"The decision to open the door back to work was a gradual one.  About five years into full-time mommy hood, I felt I had to have another dimension in my life.  I felt like some part-time work would be just the thing, so I contacted a couple of people from my last employer. I actually had not kept in good touch because I did not think it would be possible to on-ramp after time off.  But one of them was now the head of my old department and he was really interested in talking. He knew me, knew my work, and I had a track record with him that was absolutely to my benefit.  Also helpful was that his wife has had a flexible schedule for many years, so personally he could appreciate it wouldn't necessarily be a liability.

"In my organization there is definitely an appreciation of balance between work and other priorities, and an effort is made to promote some flexible work arrangements.  There are formal flex and telecommuting policies but specific implementation varies on business needs and area management. It doesn’t work for all positions and certainly some individuals are not as open to it as others. It is not known as an industry where there is any flexibility - the exact opposite is typically true.

"In terms of my promotability and future in the organization, it's unclear as to how my current flex schedule will make a difference to my prospects.  Theoretically I would need to step into a line role - I am focused on meaningful project work, but one step back from the front line.  Honestly, I am not sure if it has to be true or if it’s more “this is the way things have always been done,” but with more customer facing roles, you have greater perceived value if you are physically there.   There are four-day workweek precedents for some of these roles.  From my own perspective, I am a type A person and I want to go get ‘em, but I have to constantly ask myself, ”What are my overall priorities right now?”  Yes, on some days I feel like I may want more in terms of work, but what would that ultimately mean for other equally important areas of my life, and is that what I and my family want and need at this point?

"I recently attended a talk by Cory Booker, Mayor of Newark, where he mentioned something profound for me.  “Life is not about a position, it is about a purpose.”  It has been really grounding.  I can worry about rank and position and what’s next and how am I going to get there.  Instead, every day in my mothering and my work I am asking "What is my purpose today?" and I try to focus on taking advantage of the time I have doing what I am doing - so that I am not wasting time thinking about work with the kids and vice versa.

"I do feel a great sense of mission to prove that flex workers are not a liability; that me not always being on site doesn’t mean inferior work or getting less done.  If I can do great work, that will help to firm the ground for openness to flex arrangements and promotions for me, and others in similar situations.

"The first month back full time was definitely a big transition.  My son started full-day Kindergarten and up until that point I had been with him for his whole waking day his entire life.  It was a tough couple of weeks, and I woke up one morning and realized I was a little depressed at the loss of contact with my kids and the minute-by-minute details of their lives. But you work through it and find a new place of equilibrium.  Doug and I feel a great sense of balance in our family and our relationship.  For the kids to have more time with Doug has been extraordinary.  He used to see them for maybe thirty minutes a day and then weekends.  So that has been hugely enriching to all of us.  There is a real give and take between us about childcare, about pitching in to get everything done.  We both have a greater appreciation of the pressure of earning, raising kids, being able to be partners in the day to day and making work and family and finances all come together.

"The specifics of our situation will not be like this forever.  Our work will change, our children's schedules and needs will change.  I am trying to savor what we have right now for as long as we have it. I hope that we will be able to continue to create equilibrium as our family’s needs evolve.

"What does work life balance mean to me?  I find it so interesting that we term it "work life" balance in the first place.  It makes it seem as if there is work and there is life—that work is not a part of life.  I like to think of it as life balance—my personal life balance, our family’s life balance.  For me it is a sense of stability in the different areas of my life – not stasis, not that nothing’s changing, but that there is a firm foundation that allows for give and take between the different areas.  It’s something active, versus something you achieve once, and voila, you’re set.

"I do yoga and it's analogous to balance poses.  It’s not just standing idly in the pose, it’s the minute by minute adjustments and being very present; to be examining - am I breathing right, am I properly aligned, do I feel tension anywhere in my body?  It takes work.  If you can get a stable foundation that allows for constant re-calibration, then the end result is a stable pose.  And sometimes when you are doing yoga you fall flat on your face!  So you get back up.  And then you work to find your balance in the pose again and you really savor it.

"I feel so fortunate to live in an era where options for creating life balance are increasingly available. Every day on the work front I try to make the sorts of contributions that leave little doubt that the traditional way is not the only way, or even the best way, to fit work in with the rest of life."

Sariah took the plunge to ask.  Whilst she did not specifically stay engaged with her industry, she kept informed as much as possible and was able to demonstrate very quickly that she still knew her stuff.   Her query met with fertile ground - the right person with the right mindset was in a position to recognize what she could bring to the table.  I love Sariah's yoga analogy and the power of constant re-calibration.

For the coolest doll houses you'll EVER see in your life, go here to brinca dada, Sariah's husband, Doug Rollins' new operation.  My children literally could not be torn away, boys and girls alike.

Finally, some of you may notice that the blog's name has changed to www.wlbconsultants.com. Watch for some redesign and expansion of the site as I work to contribute more relevant thoughts and solutions to the ever-changing nature of WORK. LIFE. BALANCE.  Please do subscribe via RSS or email above to catch all the Work Life Stories installments and much more.

 Disclosure: I have no financial interest in brinca dada, other than to share with you a stunning product.

Photo Credit: with permission from Sariah Toronto